Note from the Director:

Months before production, I had left a three-year relationship. Details aside, my assumed “coping method” was to bury myself in work. When sets slowed down due to school coming back that Fall and I took a gap semester, I was forced to sit with my feelings. It was only then I felt true isolation. I recalled the person I was before that felt the separation was the best for the both of us. The person I was at that moment, however, wanted the feelings and emotions back. I wanted the memories and companionship back; not that specific person, but the idea of being with another I thought would fill in the gap.

At the time of this project, I had only worked as a cinematographer. I had the pleasure of being exposed to directing by the many collaborations I had been a part of up until this point. The delineation between cinematographers and directors had always alluded me. Of course, a cinematographer, in the production hierarchy, works for the director. But as director, there is a responsibility to have walked alongside or in your team’s shoes to reach peak vision translation and communication. For MELANCHOLY, I knew that I had wanted to shoot such an ambitious concept as both director and cinematographer. So, this became my directorial debut.

The concept for this project was to take those two self-conflicting ideas and embodies them as the two performers you see. The two performers are assumed post breakup and both long for each other. The female (played by Kendal Villa) represented the part of me who knew it was wrong to go back and swallowed the reality of abandoning their heart. Her movements are sharp No one else could have executed this entire concept without my co-director, Kendal Villa. I have never been gifted with any sense of dance, but I felt the fluidity of movement would capture how I wanted to tell this story. So to tell someone else my ideas, ask them to translate it to another art form I didn’t understand, whilst tackling a new role in this production as a fresh director? She absolutely MADE this production and even writing this and watching it back, I cannot fathom doing it without her. The male (played by Ryan Robinson) took on the momentary longing to delve into my emotion and irrational side. Kendal choreographed him to be slow, drawn-out, and always chasing after her. The push-and-pull dynamic in the choreography overall was the only way my feelings could be seen.

The part of the entire production that tied everything together was Chris Lanzon, artist and musician behind the song that is featured. Kendal personally reached out to him via email and asked if we were allowed to make this film using his song Melancholy. The title alone embodies where I was emotionally. With his permission, I had the opportunity to fall further in love with filmmaking and work on this production.

Film is a medium that can take anything: feelings, real life events, conflicts, and giveback something that feeds your soul and clears the blurriness in your eyes. I love coming back to this project because it reminds me that if I take everything I do down to the very essence of it that I love filmmaking. The very fact that I can take something so personal and be allowed to work with other creatives in a space to make something we can all look back at and feel fulfilled, its a revelation I know we all come to in our careers.